In 2000, an evangelical Christian created an online dating site that became popular among those looking for faith-based dating. I knew several Christians who would never even think about online dating, but joined this site during that time. The website? eHarmony.
In recent years, eHarmony has broadened its horizons. Instead of being known as the Christian dating site, it soon became the site that was a pain in the ass to use. The questionnaire is excruciating and there's a fairly good chance that, even if you make it through the questionnaire, you'll be denied at the end of it.
If you make it through their screening process, matches will be trickled down to you, a few a week, and you will be told to give the service MONTHS to find your match.
All at a cost that's higher than any other online dating service.
Last year, a woman in California brought a suit against eHarmony, claiming she was denied by the service because she is gay. The group of lawyers trying the case claimed the site was discriminating based on sexual orientation because they were not offering same-sex dating via their website. The California woman was not the first to file a complaint. In fact, earlier this week eHarmony settled a 3-year-old complaint by a New Jersey man, agreeing to offer same-sex dating by March of next year.
I think it's great that the site is being expanded...but the problem I have with it is, if the founder of the company had his own personal Christian reasons for excluding a certain portion of the population, do we really want the GOVERNMENT to step in and force him to do it? What if it is against his beliefs?
Part of the problem could be that eHarmony has never outwardly embraced being a Christian company. Apparently in the beginning, when it was floundering, eHarmony's owner got a huge boost in membership thanks to his appearance on a Christian radio show called Focus on the Family. 10,000 subscribers allegedly came from that appearance. THIS is where the Christian reputation came about.
Well, that PLUS the fact that anyone who has ever filled out the questionnaire will tell you religion plays a big part in the matching process. You are interrogated relentlessly about your beliefs and how important spirituality is to you...something that doesn't happen on other online dating sites.
It's a sticky situation because if any company were blatantly discriminating against a group of people for any reason, and a lawsuit were filed, they could be forced to capitulate. I suppose it's part of doing business in America. But what if your reason for the "discrimination" is based in your faith? And what if it were YOUR company?
"Where Focus on the Family and a lot of these other places come from is that there are six places in the Bible that say homosexuality is wrong," eHarmony founder Neil Clark Warren has said. "On the other hand, in the Old Testament if you work on the Sabbath day and you're guilty then you should be shot." In the past, he has primarily given as his reason for not matching same-sex couples that eHarmony is about marriage...and same-sex marriage is still illegal in most states. He also claims not to be an expert in matching same-sex couples, as he supposedly is in matching heterosexual couples.
Either way, looks like eHarmony.com will have to rethink the way it does things. My question is, who's going to answer for all of the other people who have been rejected? There are a whole lot of people out there who have been told eHarmony doesn't find them suitable. If I were one of those people, I'd want to know why.
Wayne took this blog from a different angle. Click here to read.
Well! This was educational! Makes me want to take the eHarmony test! I wonder if you join a dating site like GoldDiggers.com (WealthyMen.com) if someone can sue because they weren't rich enough to qualify? OR if women are disqualified if they are *ahem* ButterFaces? ;-)
I joined eHarmony and don't remember any of the problems you mention. Did you really try eHarmony, Stephanie? I am not very religious and don't even remember religous questions. I am very open minded when it comes to many things and I wasn't rejected...
This doesn't really sound true to me. My experiences are different. I didn't find it a suitable dating site, though. People were too conservative for me. Too American, it seems :-)
OMG BLOGDICK! (Sorry Steph, i dont' do it very often)
I had no idea that eHarmony was a Christian dating site.
My mother in law, who is a VERY Christian woman, was recently rejected by eHarmony and it completely broke her heart! She took the rejection to mean that there was no one out there for her, or she was unfit to date because no man would be interested in her. I felt awful for her, because filling out the profile was my idea, and i felt that she wouldn't have experienced that pain had i not encouraged her. My mother in law is a sweet woman who will make an awesome wife for some lucky guy one day, even if eHarmony doesn't think so.
That being said (my personal feelings about online dating and homosexuality aside), i have a difficult time seeing how the California woman will be able to prove that she was discriminated against based on gender preference since there are literally THOUSANDS of heterosexuals who've also been rejected. After all, i'm sure they gave that woman the same reason they gave my mother in law:
They have 236/day marriage rate from the matches they make, and they are unwilling to risk lowering that percentage making a match they aren't at least 90% certain will result in marriage. They didn't put it quite so bluntly, but stripping the blossoms off of the flowery language, that's what it came down to. Great blog, Stephanie!
This is why we need "loser pays" in America. A "loser pays" system would eliminate these frivolous lawsuits, putting an end to the litigation lottery, and forcing legal-thieves to seek gainful employment doing something positive for society.
YES!! Thank you, I'm so sick of all these stupid lawsuits...yes people, the coffee is hot, cruise control doesn't mean the car will drive it self and if you eat McDonald's every day you will look like Pavarotti (rest in peace)!
Agreed. This is just another example of someone looking at a situation and being self centered. Can't there be programs, services and any other form of corporation that DOESN'T work for EVERYONE? Sorry, but this is what we call a goal orientended program. They are focusing on their goal.... not the theme of service. A VEIN of service.
I think we should get rid of all these stupid lawsuits. It's ruining perfectly good services by making them targets.
Get rid of civil rights and discrimination lawsuits? Are you insane? You are a woman and would be a target for the male based work place. In the past a job you wanted would have been given to a man before it would have been given to you.
Here is the thing about eHarmony. They became a big company.. While they didn't offer the service to homosexuals they also didn't say that they could't offer it to a homosexual.. I mean if someone who is gay took the lenghty questionaire and got accepted, (Meaning eHarmony said they could match them) and then didn't.. Well they were asking for it..
If they sent this person matches that were unacceptable based off of gender than eHarmony should have had something to counter this with in a gurantee or in the fine print..
I mean how hard would it be for them to add
I am a ________ looking for a __________ .
To the questionaire/applicaiton.. Also keep in mind eHarmony is pretty decent sized. They advertise on TV a lot. Sure they don't promote same sex matchups on the TV but then again neither do most of the other dating web sites.
Bottom line is that when your as big of a company as eHarmony is you should have already had lawyers go over everything and be set up to prevent these type of lawsuits from happening to you.. If the founder didn't put it in his mission statement or didn't state anywhere that they didn't offer it and the person taking eHarmony to court honestly went in with the best of intents then I see no reason why they shouldn't win the case.
Actually there is a site that you have to be beautiful to join. They judge your photo and determine whether you're attractive enough or not. They don't conceal the fact they only choose the most attractive -- in fact, that's their marketing angle. I can't remember the name of the site.
That site is funny actually, I got on there last year, now I can't remember the name either. The site doesn't control membership, its members do. You submit your picture, and at least 10 other members must rate you on a 1 to 10 scale over an 8 to be allowed to post. There's no time limit, so the membership isn't quite as exclusive as you think as over time a lot of people will get 8's or 9's given to them by other members.
